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I sighed internally, shrugged my shoulders and continued to visit where our lives intersected. But this wasn’t like before. Other times, my feelings would fade eventually. On accepting the inevitable the object of my desire and I would drift away. Now, I couldn’t stop my feelings. Every time I saw her they rose in me. Being so aware of her and knowing she wasn’t to be mine would hurt. To be so close and not to have is painful. I would come where we met to see her, then avoid her. I wouldn’t enter conversations where she was, and would leave those when she arrived. Sometimes I could control myself enough to speak, so I don’t believe she ever knew I was keeping her at a distance. It took quite a while, but one day it seemed I had accepted. That I had come to grips with my want and loss. We simply became people who knew each other, and were friends. I no longer stayed away from her and we talked a lot. But last night I had a dream. Unusual for me, to have a dream I remember. More. Could the horror possibly ratchet up any further? My body convulses into a rigid knot. Neck clenched, shoulders up around my ears, eyes locked closed and tearing. Trixie exclaims, "Young lady what in God's name is going on here? How dare you!"She spun me around and got right in my face. The tip of her powder-dusted nose merely inches from my own. Her finely plucked brows scowled in condescension. Her lacquered lips pursed in withering scrutiny. I could smell her perfume. I couldn't meet her gaze. Her luscious blonde hair poured down in tube waves around her collar. I peeked into her taffeta blouse to spy her creamy cleavage. I popped a boner. And then it hit her. She grabbed my chin and forced me to meet her eyes. "Wait," she breathed, "you're a fucking boy. Girls! She's a he!" What?" No!" Really?" My goodness!"Trixie nudged me to the side and closed the front door. She locked it. She laughed. Gladys laughed. Then Gloria joined in laughing. Sharon looked perplexed. Her head tilted,.
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